Thursday, June 30, 2011

I do, I do, and NY does

A wonderful thing happened on the way to a party Friday night (June 24th)....

A (new) good friend of mine is in the gay porn industry and occasionally does Go-Go dancing on the side at gay bars/clubs. If I can, I always try to go and support him, if not financially, at least for moral support.  (By the way, he's the nicest, sweetest, most lovable person on the planet and smart!) This particular Friday, he was performing at a bar downtown and I dragged my gay husband ("GH") with me (not that he minded much).

I met my GH for dinner before heading to the bar. We both knew that the vote for same-sex marriage was happening that evening and we were glued to our phones (me on twitter, him on Facebook) and feeding each other information as news was updated. When the amendment on religious exemption was passed, my twitter feed blew up with congratulations everywhere as we all assumed that meant same sex marriage had been legalized.  No, it didn't. The passing of the amendment was so gays and lesbians could not sue a church if they were denied a ceremony. In this, I do agree since churches are technically "private."  I use the word private loosely, but it is their right to say no.

The amendment though signaled good things to come.  If this was passed, the likelihood of passing the overall bill was very high and sure enough about a half hour later...


Ecstatic, overjoyed, happy... those words don't describe what I was feeling.  Perhaps GAY works best here. *wink*  While I identify as heterosexual, this was HUGE for everyone! I have many family members and friends that can now experience what I experienced when I got married seven years ago. Nothing can top that, except maybe giving birth to a child (which I know nothing about).  I turned to my GH and asked when he was getting married and told him I was going to be his maid of honor whether he liked it or not.

I was so excited I couldn't even finish my meal!  GH and I paid and left to the bar. Once there, we met with my friend, who proceeded to pick me up and give me the biggest hug on the planet. He had just come from Stonewall and told me the atmosphere there was charged with excitement and joy. I was near tears I was so happy.  I couldn't have been prouder of my state at that moment.

Of course, while the LGBT community was happy with the news, I can only assume the wedding planning industry (and the economy in general) was also happy.  Economists predict a $184 million increase in revenue for the state of New York, most of that most likely going to New York City.  Mayor Bloomberg is already trying to cash in, by promoting New York City as a wedding destination. I predict an even bigger increase in revenue, but I didn't study economics in college so I'll keep my mouth shut.

For the record, a small part of me feels this is all ridiculous. Until the Supreme Court deems the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, there will never be true equality in terms of marriage. The original constitution does NOT say anything in regards to marriage because, well... marriage, in and of itself, is a religious concept and our founding fathers were adamant about separation of church and state. The union between two people, however, is very much a federal/state concept.  Let's face it, if we want to get married, going to the church isn't enough nor is it recognized by the government.  No, we have to go down to City Hall and pay for a license to be ALLOWED to marry, then pay again to actually get married. And technically, that should be unconstitutional as well.  Why the hell, should I pay for the RIGHT to get married. That's like saying if I want to make a salad with ingredients that I already have in my home, I have to first go down to my local government and get permission. What they've done is turn my RIGHT into a PRIVILEGE. Like I said, ridiculous...

Regardless, it's a great time to be in the city and the state of New York. We're moving in the right direction... finally.

As a side note, Rhode Island approved civil unions yesterday (June 29th).  Couples in a civil union will be afforded the same rights as married couples.  It's not exactly the same, but it's something.

Also, if I were gay and getting married, I would so want this cake:

I stayed out until 3am celebrating with my friend and a good portion of the gay community.  I loved every minute of it and I wish I could relive the moment over and over.

To all my gay friends & family in relationships, I anxiously await my invitations!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

'Til Death Do Us Part... Or Until I Get Better Internet Connection

Hello, my lovelies.  Happy New Year to you all!  Also, Happy Valentine's, Happy Easter, Happy Solstice, Happy Memorial Day, Happy... you get the point. It's been a while since I've posted.  I have good reason for this...Classes kicked my lovely behind this semester. I think I took for granted that I made Dean's List with a perfect 4.0 the previous semester and thought I could cruise to another 4.0. I was wrong. I only cruised to a 3.7 (A- in both classes), while not a 4.0, it's still pretty damn good if you ask me.

Anyway, we're not here to talk about my classes, but something a little more important.  Love. And Sex. This post will be split into two parts and you'll see what I mean...

Love, or the lack thereof in our society, seems to be running rampant.  By this I mean the lack of love being shown our gay brothers and sisters and their want of getting married. What's the big deal? If you ask me, let them get married.  Marriage is a huge money maker.  Weddings, legal fees, divorce fees, etc etc... It's huge! Plus, let's not forget all of the added benefits (insurance companies will make more money) and... eh, whatever. You understand what I'm saying. Of course, the argument is that allowing same-sex marriage would destroy the sanctity of marriage (and lead into more deviant behavior like pedophilia or bestiality - by the way, if these people against gay marriage think that would happen, I wonder what really goes on their bedrooms, who's really the deviant one), but that seems to be the only argument and not a rather convincing one either.  I know plenty of gay couples and trust me when I say they HATE pedophiles just as much as the next person.

Let's talk a minute about this sanctity of marriage. These conservatives and other anti-gay marriage people (because I do know one or two so-called liberals who are against it as well), say that gays getting married will destroy marriage, but have shown no compelling case for this. It's almost laughable considering all the scandals, divorces, break-ups that occur within the same group of people who condemn gay marriage. Hypocritical much? Two people in love want to get married but can't, yet two people who can get married for gain (ex. political a la Schwarzenegger) and not love are allowed.  Or better yet, what's a better example of the sanctity of marriage than two people (regardless of sexual preference) who want to commit to each other?  Who's destroying the sanctity there?

We can't forget about Weiner either, posting pictures of himself on twitter while his pregnant wife was home (I'll talk about this in a second)....

That leads me to the next thing: Online love, can it happen and when is it considered cheating.

Let me preface this by saying, I met my husband online and we've been married now for seven years, together for nine.  So can it happen? Yes. My new best friend met her husband through online personal ads and they've been together for almost five years, if not longer. However, in both cases we never actually fell in love until we met our significant others in person and, let's face it, we knew that they ACTUALLY existed.

Of course, there is a lot of gray area when it comes to online relationships.  I also think there is a difference between a single person online and having fun and a married person online.

When I first began talking to my husband, I was single.  I was also talking to a few different men online.  I never once felt like I was cheating on anybody, but I was still meeting people and forming some kind of connection. Any encounters online were fleeting in that people come and go and I was meeting new people everyday.  I can't sit here and say that any of those online encounters were meaningful when I was just chatting with them.  Sure pictures may have been exchanged (this was pre-webcam and digital camera age), but I was able to shrug it off if anybody stopped talking to me or if they found someone else that caught their eye.  Oh and let's not forget that because there is still some anonymity online, you still don't know who you're really meeting...

Things are a little different these days with webcams and such.  You can essentially meet a person in "real-time."  Does this change the dynamics of  meeting online?  Sure. While writing words on a page can be perceived differently by different people (one person could see the words as declaration of love, while another just thinks they're being nice), webcams allow two people to really talk, see facial expressions, etc. But regardless, it also depends on the maturity of the two people involved. One person may still not take it as seriously, while the other could go bonkers if they learn that their webcam "partner" is talking to other people. And really, you still won't have a true relationship until you can physically touch each other and be in each others' presence.

It wasn't until I met my husband in person and we started dating that removed myself from any "networking/dating" sites. I actually closed my account (we both did) since really, there was no more need for it.  We found each other.  A few years later, I have a twitter account, I have male followers and I flirt with them, but 1) I keep my twitter very anonymous and only exchange personal information with a select few (and all female or gay), 2) my husband is not a jealous person and 3) my time online does NOT take away from my time with my husband (when he's home we spend our time together, for the most part).

So, what happens when one person is married and gets online? This is where the waters get murky.  I'm still married, I'm online, but as I mentioned before, I'm not online trying to meet my next "hook-up." And if I do happen to flirt with anyone (on the rare occasion), I DO tell my husband.  We laugh about it and we move on.  No big deal. Then there are the couples that don't mind whether their partners are online flirting.  To some it's just mindless fun; in some cases, the couples could be in open relationships and... well that's a whole other discussion.

But, then you have the people like Rep. Weiner. If he weren't married, I wouldn't have cared what the hell he did while online, but he is. He sent pictures of himself to other women, he flirted with other women online, all while his wife was next to him (I wouldn't doubt it, it's easy to sneak a text or a direct message while on your phone) and pregnant. She didn't even know. And as someone pointed out to me, while everyone is focusing on what he did, they aren't focusing on what he didn't do and that was pay attention to his wife. He took time away from his pregnant wife to flirt with women.  That is where he went wrong and that is cheating. Of course, if Huma knew and didn't care, well then, this is all moot, but the way Weiner was trying to hide everything, it was evident she didn't know.  You can't condone that type of behavior.

So, basically, if you're single, have fun in the online world, if you're married, discuss what is acceptable behavior with your partner.

Anyway, that's my long spiel for the day (I think this may have been my longest post yet)...

What do you think (about both gay marriage and online love)? Tell me your thoughts.

Yours in Random,

P.S. All of this talk of Weiner going to sex rehab???  Being a sexual person and flirting does not make you a sexual deviant, an asshole yes, but not a deviant. If he truly had an addiction, he would have met those women and had REAL sex with them, along with some street hookers and escorts and...yeah.  Get a grip society, sexual being does not equal sexually addicted or sexually deviant.