'Til Death Do Us Part... Or Until I Get Better Internet Connection

Hello, my lovelies.  Happy New Year to you all!  Also, Happy Valentine's, Happy Easter, Happy Solstice, Happy Memorial Day, Happy... you get the point. It's been a while since I've posted.  I have good reason for this...Classes kicked my lovely behind this semester. I think I took for granted that I made Dean's List with a perfect 4.0 the previous semester and thought I could cruise to another 4.0. I was wrong. I only cruised to a 3.7 (A- in both classes), while not a 4.0, it's still pretty damn good if you ask me.

Anyway, we're not here to talk about my classes, but something a little more important.  Love. And Sex. This post will be split into two parts and you'll see what I mean...

Love, or the lack thereof in our society, seems to be running rampant.  By this I mean the lack of love being shown our gay brothers and sisters and their want of getting married. What's the big deal? If you ask me, let them get married.  Marriage is a huge money maker.  Weddings, legal fees, divorce fees, etc etc... It's huge! Plus, let's not forget all of the added benefits (insurance companies will make more money) and... eh, whatever. You understand what I'm saying. Of course, the argument is that allowing same-sex marriage would destroy the sanctity of marriage (and lead into more deviant behavior like pedophilia or bestiality - by the way, if these people against gay marriage think that would happen, I wonder what really goes on their bedrooms, who's really the deviant one), but that seems to be the only argument and not a rather convincing one either.  I know plenty of gay couples and trust me when I say they HATE pedophiles just as much as the next person.

Let's talk a minute about this sanctity of marriage. These conservatives and other anti-gay marriage people (because I do know one or two so-called liberals who are against it as well), say that gays getting married will destroy marriage, but have shown no compelling case for this. It's almost laughable considering all the scandals, divorces, break-ups that occur within the same group of people who condemn gay marriage. Hypocritical much? Two people in love want to get married but can't, yet two people who can get married for gain (ex. political a la Schwarzenegger) and not love are allowed.  Or better yet, what's a better example of the sanctity of marriage than two people (regardless of sexual preference) who want to commit to each other?  Who's destroying the sanctity there?

We can't forget about Weiner either, posting pictures of himself on twitter while his pregnant wife was home (I'll talk about this in a second)....

That leads me to the next thing: Online love, can it happen and when is it considered cheating.

Let me preface this by saying, I met my husband online and we've been married now for seven years, together for nine.  So can it happen? Yes. My new best friend met her husband through online personal ads and they've been together for almost five years, if not longer. However, in both cases we never actually fell in love until we met our significant others in person and, let's face it, we knew that they ACTUALLY existed.

Of course, there is a lot of gray area when it comes to online relationships.  I also think there is a difference between a single person online and having fun and a married person online.

When I first began talking to my husband, I was single.  I was also talking to a few different men online.  I never once felt like I was cheating on anybody, but I was still meeting people and forming some kind of connection. Any encounters online were fleeting in that people come and go and I was meeting new people everyday.  I can't sit here and say that any of those online encounters were meaningful when I was just chatting with them.  Sure pictures may have been exchanged (this was pre-webcam and digital camera age), but I was able to shrug it off if anybody stopped talking to me or if they found someone else that caught their eye.  Oh and let's not forget that because there is still some anonymity online, you still don't know who you're really meeting...

Things are a little different these days with webcams and such.  You can essentially meet a person in "real-time."  Does this change the dynamics of  meeting online?  Sure. While writing words on a page can be perceived differently by different people (one person could see the words as declaration of love, while another just thinks they're being nice), webcams allow two people to really talk, see facial expressions, etc. But regardless, it also depends on the maturity of the two people involved. One person may still not take it as seriously, while the other could go bonkers if they learn that their webcam "partner" is talking to other people. And really, you still won't have a true relationship until you can physically touch each other and be in each others' presence.

It wasn't until I met my husband in person and we started dating that removed myself from any "networking/dating" sites. I actually closed my account (we both did) since really, there was no more need for it.  We found each other.  A few years later, I have a twitter account, I have male followers and I flirt with them, but 1) I keep my twitter very anonymous and only exchange personal information with a select few (and all female or gay), 2) my husband is not a jealous person and 3) my time online does NOT take away from my time with my husband (when he's home we spend our time together, for the most part).

So, what happens when one person is married and gets online? This is where the waters get murky.  I'm still married, I'm online, but as I mentioned before, I'm not online trying to meet my next "hook-up." And if I do happen to flirt with anyone (on the rare occasion), I DO tell my husband.  We laugh about it and we move on.  No big deal. Then there are the couples that don't mind whether their partners are online flirting.  To some it's just mindless fun; in some cases, the couples could be in open relationships and... well that's a whole other discussion.

But, then you have the people like Rep. Weiner. If he weren't married, I wouldn't have cared what the hell he did while online, but he is. He sent pictures of himself to other women, he flirted with other women online, all while his wife was next to him (I wouldn't doubt it, it's easy to sneak a text or a direct message while on your phone) and pregnant. She didn't even know. And as someone pointed out to me, while everyone is focusing on what he did, they aren't focusing on what he didn't do and that was pay attention to his wife. He took time away from his pregnant wife to flirt with women.  That is where he went wrong and that is cheating. Of course, if Huma knew and didn't care, well then, this is all moot, but the way Weiner was trying to hide everything, it was evident she didn't know.  You can't condone that type of behavior.

So, basically, if you're single, have fun in the online world, if you're married, discuss what is acceptable behavior with your partner.

Anyway, that's my long spiel for the day (I think this may have been my longest post yet)...

What do you think (about both gay marriage and online love)? Tell me your thoughts.

Yours in Random,
Me

P.S. All of this talk of Weiner going to sex rehab???  Being a sexual person and flirting does not make you a sexual deviant, an asshole yes, but not a deviant. If he truly had an addiction, he would have met those women and had REAL sex with them, along with some street hookers and escorts and...yeah.  Get a grip society, sexual being does not equal sexually addicted or sexually deviant.

Resolute This!

It’s that time of year again when people make false promises to themselves.  WOOT!  I would say I am one of those people, but I’m not.  I refuse to make a resolution when I KNOW it wouldn’t last a day.  Hell, I couldn’t even last through the forty days of lent when I was a “good” catholic, I definitely wouldn’t last a full year, or worse, the rest of my life. 

I can see the appeal though.  People want to make changes in their lives and while they can do this any day of the year, it makes sense to want to put the proverbial foot down and make that change the beginning of the year.  Out with the old, in with the new, yadda yadda.  But as I see it, if you truly wanted to make a change, you would do so at the moment you decide it needs to be done, not wait until the end of the year.  If you do wait, were you really serious?  Think about it… go ahead…  I’ll wait for you…

So, have you decided that you’re really serious?  Okay.  Good for you!  I’m really proud of you.   

Now…  Just for giggles, let’s go through some of the more popular resolutions.

1)  Lose weight/Exercise more – I think this is the MOST popular of all resolutions, not to mention it’s the one that makes the gyms out there the most money.  When my husband was working at the gym as a sales rep, he made his most money between the months of December (when people were giving memberships as gifts - kinda rude, don't you think?) and February.  I personally loved those months – well, my pockets did anyway.  I asked my husband how often those people showed up after those first couple of months… hardly ever, yet they were still paying their monthly membership fees.  As I said, it’s the Cash Cow resolution (no pun intended).

2)  Stop taking drugs – I include cigarettes and alcohol in this since they are drugs as well.  This is probably one of the hardest to give up.  It’s noble, yes, but most people don’t have a plan to do this.  Quit cold turkey? Gradually stop?  For the milder drugs (cigarettes, alcohol), it’s extremely hard to do this, especially in our current economy.  If anything, with all the added stress, people tend to smoke and drink more!  I say good luck and I hope you can last longer than a week before you pick up another drink or smoke.  For the hardcore drugs… Well, that’s more than I can really handle in one blog post and I won’t even try, but I wish you all the support and love that you will need to overcome your vices.

3)  Save Money/Manage Debt – Perhaps the most doable of resolutions, but this goes to hell as soon as Valentine’s comes around.  This requires discipline and time, two things many people do not have these days, unless they’re unemployed in which case, the resolution of saving money and managing debt becomes moot.

4)  Get a better _________ - Fill in the blank here.  Car, job, education, home, etc.  I think this goes with #3 personally.  You can get a better anything if you're not saving money or managing your money better.

5)  The ever vague, become a better person – While this is all fine and dandy, I want to know what people actually mean by this.  How does one become a better person?  Do they get a personality transplant?  Or do they mean financially better (see #3 and 4)?  Does the person want to be more loving and caring?  Around more (again very vague)?  Someone please explain this one to me.  Perhaps I’m just goal-oriented and I feel that there is no real goal here since someone can always “better” themselves someway, somehow, ya know?  And aren’t resolutions supposed to be about goals?  Maybe I’m wrong.  Someone tell me I’m wrong.  I want to be a better person and admit my mistakes…

Well, happy resolution making my friends and may 2011 be as wonderful or better as 2010!

P.S.  My new year's resolution?  Come up with a more original end of year blog post and don't lie about not making resolutions.  *wink*

You Copycat!!!

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. – Albert Einstein

I know, I know.   I haven’t posted in a while and when I finally do I’m writing about a serious topic.  Well, it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.  Of this, I’m sure.

They say, imitation is the highest form of flattery.  Sure.  To a point.  So… plagiarism seems to be around me a lot lately.  I don’t quite get it (not the plagiarism, but why it’s so prevalent in my little circle lately).    Well let’s face it, it’s not plagiarism until you get caught, right?  Well, everyone’s getting caught.  Perhaps it’s people being more diligent in their reading, or people are reading more and can spot similarities quicker.  Or, people just care more.

In the past, teachers tried to nip plagiarism in the bud early on.  After all, copying, cheating, etc. does start in schools.  It’s where we first learn about it.  I think now, though, with the advent of the interwebs (I must remember to thank our dear president bush – note the sarcasm – for that word) it has become that much easier to catch the culprits.  All that is needed is a few lines of the “original” work typed into Google and…voila!  You will know if the work you are looking at was copied or not.  It’s actually pretty neat.

Why am I writing about this?  I have not been plagiarized yet…well…at least not that I know about anyway, but friends have been both the plagiarizer and the plagiarized.    

I mentioned before, I think, that I write fan fiction – it’s my not-so-secret hobby.  Most of the works in the fan fiction world are derivatives of the original book/story/videogame.  You will find similarities, but it’s common knowledge, the authors know about it and there is nothing to be gained except some writing practice.  At least, that’s how I see it.  Yet, even in that world, people find it necessary to copy whole stories/ideas from each other.  In all honesty, if you cannot come up with an original idea to put these characters in, perhaps you shouldn’t be writing.  I am close with some authors who have had to pull their writings and completely stopped writing because they were being copied.  It’s not a pleasant feeling.

Then, of course, you have the case where a friendship was jeopardized.  For the sake of privacy, I will call them Tom and Jerry (credit to Hanna-Barbera).

Tom and Jerry were friends, had been for a while.  They had classes together, studied together, were even lab partners.  Things were going great in their lab class.  They were both on their way to getting an A (or close to it).  Tom, being the older of the two, definitely needed the A in the class; Jerry was younger and had time to pull up his GPA if for whatever reason he didn’t get the A he was looking for in lab.    Lab reports were due every three to four days and we’re not talking about one or two pages here.  These reports were 10-20 pages depending on the lab.  It was a lot of work and there were plenty of sleepless nights to get these reports done.

Something went wrong though on the second to last lab.  Tom finished his report and, being a good lab partner, sent it to Jerry so Jerry could use it as reference.  Jerry on the other hand decided that it was too late and he needed to sleep.  He took Tom’s report and copied a good portion of it, in some instances, not even bothering to change the wording around.  Unfortunately for both of them, the lab instructor noticed.  It turned ugly fast.  What should have been a celebration for finish the lab course, turned into a broken friendship and almost expulsion. 

Ironically, I had just lectured the two of them on taking the easy way out.  It never pays, it’s risky and you only end up working harder.  Jerry took the high road and ‘fessed up.  The instructor was lenient and didn’t take any disciplinary actions against him.  I think the guilt eating him up inside was enough punishment for him.  Tom was found innocent of any wrongdoing.  It worked out, sort of, in the end.  They don’t speak to each other anymore.

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgement.  - Josh Billings

Lesson learned?  I hope so.